Nourish Me

It’s daddy…

I Heart U
Gosh. Here I am again. I’m a glutton for late-night punishment that’s for sure. Last night it was 2am before I could prise my hands from the keyboard. Damn that WiFi. Damn it to hell. (We wants it. The precioussss).

I’ve been thinking a lot about my ‘word’ for this year. 2010 was the year of ‘Compassion’ – for myself mainly as I have been known to be a tad hard on myself. Apparently. I’m not sure if I was more compassionate with myself to be honest. I tried harder though and I guess, in the end, that’s what this whole yearly word thing is all about. Trying to find the right way ‘in’ to oneself in the moment. 

The word that has come to me for this year is ‘Nourish‘. 

Like compassion (and in some ways directly linked to it), nourishment is something I find hard to both give and experience. I rarely bother to think about self nourishing as my mind, body and days are stretched into the perpetual nourishment of others – particularly small, delectable others whose needs are many and often. I don’t even have much nourishment left over to offer to my poor, long-suffering husband, who has been known to return home after a hard day’s work, (and a long train journey) to find the stove cold and the table empty. He then has to whip up some dinner us both while I lie there in a stupor of tired bewilderedness. 

Nom Nom Nom
(image courtesy of

Actually, food is one of the main reasons why this word came up for me this year. I was going to say that I am not much of a cook. But that’s actually not true. I’m a pretty good cook most of the time. My problem is that I don’t enjoy it. More often than not, I find myself sagging in front of the doors of my pantry/fridge, sighing dramatically and wondering if it is not some form of subtle child abuse to offer ones progeny beans on toast for the second time in a week. Thank goodness the wee man is not yet truly experiencing my half-arsed approach to food. (Isn’t ‘arse’ a good word?). Anyway, I digress. I am feeling the long-standing effects of nutritional laziness in many more kilos than I need, (many more kilos than a few of me needs actually), and a severely depressed immune system. (I know. It’s not enough that my head is depressed, now my immune system is jumping on board. Bastard). And so. And so. And so.

I need to take the time this year to find out what truly nourishes me and then find the time to do it. This includes exercise (bleh!), proper cooking – with whole, organic, seasonal produce and such, (argh), for the whole family and, of course, trying, trying, trying to fit in some bloody meditation or yoga or writing. Oh. Sweet. Jesu. Well, what year would be complete without some massive, fear inducing, sweat producing, impossible list of changes? Certainly not mine.

Actually, it’s really not quite as overwhelming as it sounds. The food thing – well,yeah. It will be a jump out of my comfort zone to meal plan (and I will have to) and to prepare things in advance because I’m such a ‘seat of my pants’ girl generally. But the rest of it – well that’s just a case of organisation and not punishing myself (compassion) if I don’t get it right first time, don’t do it every day or don’t meet my own (admittedly stupidly high) expectations. Again – this is about finding the things which nourish me, top up my well, feed my spirit, my heart and my mind. It’s not about getting it right/perfect/done. The  journey into nourishing myself will hopefully leave me with some kind of road to follow in the future. I am not expecting miracles. I am not expecting it to happen overnight. We are talking about ahumhum years of unhealthy eating, not exercising and not wanting to change. So – I’ll take it at a snail’s pace and we shall see what the coming year shall bring.

In order to add a visual element to this idea of nourishment, I was going to do a ‘365 Days of’ type thing but I think that’s putting the cart before the horse. Too much pressure. SO – I am instead going to do one post a week on the whole subject of nourishment in all it’s forms and this will include a photo of something that is nourishing me that week be it by mouth, eyes, heart, hands, body, soul, ears or whatever. I invite you all to join me.

Did you get that?


Starting this week, I will write a weekly post and add a photograph about nourishment. All you have to do is the same and link it back to my post. I am even attempting to create a button you can grab and put on your blog to keep us all connected. Keep an eye out for it. (And an ear out for any sign of a technical breakdown – eyes bleeding, colourful expletives, steam coming out of my ears etc).

Life’s a….

I do hope you’ll join me – leave a comment and let me know if you do. Share your world. Often things which nourish one person can act as a nudge or inspiration for another. I’d love to read about the things, people, places, acts, which nourish you and who knows what might result from it. 

30 days of Happiness – Days Four, Five, Six und Seven

I keep meaning to do this daily – but it’s been difficult to get near the computer given the amount of crap that lies between me and the screen when I enter the door of our study. We currently have my sister and her friend staying with us and it is getting pretty squalid in here, with no spare inch of space to lean, let alone type. There is no surface uncovered in shite. I personally cannot live like that. The rubbish and food and make-up and clothes and crap everywhere, would drive me insane. Hence my reluctance to get in here and do anything. Still, while they are elsewhere and the house is quiet apart from the stringent whinging of my girl-child, here I am. I’ll need a hot shower after this.

Anyhoo – many things have been making me smile these last few days.
Days Four, Five and Six were all spent at the beach with Beanie and that’s always funsies. She runs and splashes and squeals and plays and talks to complete strangers (before throwing a stick and making them ‘fetch’). We have enjoyed the following splendours of the beach days:

Icypoles – many, many icypoles. They taste so good on a roasting hot day at the beach.
Exploring rock pools with my Beanie is to become a child again oneself. So many magical things to delight and entertain.
Starfish – many, many, many starfish (plus a dead octopus). Lily went into absolute paroxisms of delight when I gingerly picked up one of the many starfish to let her stroke it’s bristly back.
Beautiful turquoise water on a hot summer’s day.
Cafe food of which I am a big fan. What is it about other people cooking your food that makes it taste so delicious?
Catching up with friends at the park near the beach.
Bagging a bargain orange silk dress on a wee shopping trip with my sis and child yesterday. It’s AWESOME and great for the ever burgeoning belly.

Then we had today’s (Day Seven) little extravaganza – a 3 yr old birthday party in the park. Funniest moment was Lily playing the Doughnut game – (dress kindly created for my wee girl by the splendid and crafty DocWitch of The Magick Teapot Chronicles) where a doughnut is tied to a long ribbon and hung from a tree, the child then has to try and take a bite without using their hands. First bite wins a prize. Lily was hilarious! She cheated (naturally) and used her hands and her head but she looked so gorgeously funny trying to bit the doughnut as it swung wildly about. Definitely a game to include in all future parties, if only for the adults. We talked about re-inventing it involving adults and copious amounts of alcohol. Well, my birthday is coming up…

We then had my midwife appointment at the birthing centre where the next little tacker will be born. Few stressful moments as they couldn’t find the heartbeat and then there it was…right underneath my steady beat, a fast little swooshing sound – the baby’s heart. Thank the Gods!

I’m also big into the Cheese Twisties at le moment – yummo. Terribly un-healthy but full of anti-nausea properties for the preggie belly. What can I say? The baby wants twisties!

Lots going on next week, guests notwithstanding, and I will try to keep the posting going in the meantime.

Enjoy your week.

Grumpalot and the Crochety-Witch

Yes, despite my 30-days of Happiness, I have been dwelling in the land of Grumpalot behaving like a right old fish wife for the last week. In my defence I have been heavily, pre-menstrually hormonal and therefore a bit of a weepy, irritable and waspish mess. This leads directly to Grumaplot without passing go and without getting anywhere near $200.

So – I have been trying not to give in to it and have focused my attention on the little things in the day that make me happy. (*Generally anything containing chocolate). And I have found happiness every day which has been uplifting if only for a moment or two.

The second reason for my Crotchety-Witchypooness is due to my darling daughter deciding to wake up at 5am instead of 6am for the last 3 days. She has also been waking up screaming at 12.30 every night for the last 3 weeks, necessitating the Hubble moving into her roome very night from then until morning! Lonely bed for mummy and uncomfortable nights for Daddy. Our sofa bed needs throwing out to be honest. Every time you get into it all the blood rushest to your head! It’s never been the same since the stupid 12 year old removalists we hired let it drop out of the unsecured back of the removal van. These are also the boys who put our microwave on top of our beautiful wooden table with nothing in between resulting in two deep scars in the wood! Dickheads!

Third reason for crochety state is that aforementioned darling daughter has stopped eating anything remotely resembling food and osscilates between demanding ‘Bic! bic!’ (her word for biccies) and ‘Weeuws’ (her word for, you guessed it, the Wiggles). this has been very frustrating for me because she flat out refuses to even taste the food in front of her most of the time. If she does eat it she will pick out the pasta, or the cheese and leave whatever veggies are in it. It drives me craaaayyyyzeeeeee.

So – for these three reasons I have been less than chipper in general. I have been short tempered with Hubble and frustrated with bubsy. I have also been beyond tired. If there is something magical that I can do that will make me feel somewhere approaching human, I would be glad to know of it. I am taking vitamins and tonics from the naturopath but still I feel like a washed out dishrag.

Anywhoo, I am about to begin week 3 of my 30-day meditation programme and I am slowly working my way through all the of the tasks in my Artists Way. It’s been interesting to see from where the blows have come to my creativity. It took me a few days to remember the abusive principal of my post-graduate drama course in Oxford and the way he systematically made my life a living hell. He is, for the record, a tool. A tool who should NEVER, EVER be allowed to teach – ANYONE. I won’t go into the horrible, stupid and selfish things he did to us as students nor the very obvious dislike he had for me. I told him I thought he was a terrible teacher (though no perhaps with a tad more diplomacy than he ever used)so I at least didn’t lie down and let him walk all over me like some of the more timid students did. He was responsible for almost destroying my love of Shakespeare – thankfully it was rescued by a lovely voice teacher from The Royal Shakespeare Company at the end of the course. Anyway, as an actor he made me feel less than useless and he never took a single minute to think about the way he talked to me or whether what he said was an honest appraisal or just vindictiveness. Mostly it was the latter. Like the day he told me taht I had never felt anything deeply, he could tell by my eyes. I was, at that moment in time, in the midst of the most painful separation of my life and was struggling to stay on top of a crippling year long depression (only realised in hindsight). Like I said. A tool.

So – the creative process is unfolding, the wounds are being revealed, the scabs are being peeked under and the healing is underway. At least I hope it is!

I’m going to grump off now to the coffee table for a muffin and some tea.