Well hello there Dark Mother. It’s been, well, not long enough that’s for damn sure.
I’ll make this quick as I’m on the dreaded dial-up and it is so painfully slow that I may kill myself out of sheer frustration before this blog has been uploaded.
We are in our new home – Hurrah! We also have only one or two more boxes to unpack – double Hurrah! Our new neighbours enjoy playing loud Gangsta Rap – Boo! Hiss! Our other neighbours are clearly in a band and I have been serenaded with some seriously heavy drum beats and guitar solos. Surprisingly, this bothers me less than the horrendous ‘duff duff duff’ of the gangta rap. Being in a band suggests creativity and also, having dated three musicians in a row, I am aware that there is a finite amount of rehearsal one can do in a day. Thankfully.
I am someone who needs, nay, whose very life and wellbeing depends upon, certain levels of peace and quiet. I do not deal well with noise pollution of any kind. When you are merrily painting away with your IPod in your ears and you can STILL hear your neighbours music, then that becomes slightly worrying. I have to say in all honesty that moving in day was completely ruined for me by said musical accompaniment. Especially as on that particularly exhausting and difficult day it continued well past 10.30pm and it meant that I was trying to put my daughter to bed with that in the background like a bad smell. I do think it bothers her less than me thankfully but still. It does beg the question, why would you move to this beautiful area, surrounded by the verdant and abundant green of nature, with peace so possible, and then spend your daylight hours blasting yourself off the face of the earth with music. Any music. The fact that its gangsta rap and therefore horrible, negative and violent, is not so much beside the point as a whole different point all by itself. So – it was with a heavy and anxious heart that I began my stay here in this lovely new home that belongs to me.
I fretted and tossed and wore myself into a hyper-state of sadness and angryness all the while trying to think of ways to avoid, cure or simply deal with this unwanted aural attack. The Hubble very diplomatically suggested that we simply befriend the neighbours and see if we can cure the situation with sugar instead of vinegar. It may be that they don’t realise that the sound carries from their house (at the top of the hill) to ours (at the bottom) or that sounds simply carries more here because of the nature of the valley and the trees and so on and so forth. It could be that they simply don’t give a fuck. This is what I fear. That I have moved next door to people who have no regard for anyone else or their needs. On one level, I understand it. Really. I do. Why should we let anyone else dictate how we should live our lives? We shouldn’t. I am not someone who enjoys confrontation. I’m not someone who wants to try and tell people how they should live. I’m simply someone who craves peace and hoped to move into this amazing area and soak in the beauty and majesty of nature, uninterrupted by such hideousness. Since then, I think I have been ‘Woman on the Edge’ – waiting for it to begin again, almost expecting it to happen every night. Thankfully it has not. It’s been all quiet on the Western Front since Sunday – a fact for which I am extremely grateful. I know I should pull myself together and just deal with it less fretfully but I am not made that way and to do so will require an effort of will and an amount of psychological reprogramming that I am simply not capable of right now. I do intend to try and get myself on track, just as soon as I can get myself on track. I am exhausted and angry and irritable and my poor daughter has been harrassed by ‘Mommie Dearest’ all week – not a good start to our green idyll.
I can tell that this post is a little disjointed. It’s totally how I feel. I also know that no-one can get me back into a peaceful frame of mind and heart but me. I also, also know that if one cannot seen the Divine in everything and everyone (everyone), then one cannot really see the Divine at all. I have the problem not them. I am the one who finds the situation difficult. Not them. I don’t want to put them out of my heart simply because, at worst, they are selfish wankers. I think that the Universe is enjoying a great Cosmic Joke at my expense and it’s up to me to find a way back to peace and equilibrium despite my current challenges. It’s just funny (funny ha ha and funny strange) that in buying my first house, I have managed to buy into my worst nightmare. Well, actually, let’s not get over dramatic – it’s my semi-worst nightmare. I won’t write my worst nightmare out. Don’t want to focus my energy on that now do I!
I’ve been seeing a Homeopath and she reckons that when I am back in harmony, so will my environment settle. I’m hoping that this is true. I’m adrenally exhausted and my fight or flight stress levels are very high simply due to the fact that I can handle large amounts of stress without actually realising that I’m stressed. Early childhood and all that. So – she has got me on something or other to basically smooth down the ruffled Kitty fur and get me relaxed (or as relaxed as I get – think wooden board with a soft cover on) and then we’ll start dealing with all of the other stuff. Deep joy.
Anyway – we are here. It’s looking more like home. Much painting has been done (our bedrooms look awesome) and much more painting has to be done. The wood panelling has to go. I don’t want to live in a sauna. We are also very definitely getting double glazing put in. Firstly to stop the noise and secondly to insulate and keep the house toasty. We are living in a house that was previously occupied by DIY bodgers and there is some seriously dodgy electrical oddments happening which means that when we turn on the dining room light all the upstairs lights go out. Yes, honestly. That made me laugh. That’s a good sign.
Anyway – I am longing for the broadband connection to be re-established, so that I can once more live like a modern woman instead of a pioneer. I can then check in more frequently and read my favourite blogs in peace. Well, you know what I mean.
Until then I wait. It’s what I do.